There comes a time when you break free of the chains and run for the hills of freedom, only to be struck down by a ghostly figure. I miss him so much. I thought I could move on, I thought I was finally going to get better and forge a path ahead, but somehow, life and death has this funny way of knocking us on our ass the moment we try and make a change. I guess his thoughts and our memories are going to haunt me longer. The guilt of his death, the pain in our eyes, the tears on our cheeks and the yearning in my heart will continue on. Guilt and a longing for the past brings the pain and the tears. Death brings the guilt and the longing. Life brings the death. What will happen next? What will it take for the fabrc to unravel and for the glass to shatter? How much more can a person take?
The cycle… The relapse… The memories… They rush back and break what hope flickered in my eyes.
Ryan… What hurts the most is the fact that you are gone and that no amount of tears, pills, breakdowns or blood can bring you back. No matter how many times I punch the wall, no matter how many rocks I throw, no matter how many miles I run or how loud I yell… I can never see your dorky little smile again. All the plans we made together will never come true. It hurts that every day when I am broken down because of the shit life throws at me, I cannot run to you for support. I am so sorry that I was not abe to stop you from killing yourself. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I feel guilty because I survived my suicide attempts and you did not. I just wish I could have saved you. I am so sorry.
Please watch this video it’s a really incredible<3
250 Balloons to remember those who have taken there life due to gay-bullying.
Remember everybody you are loved and you are never alone on this journey we call life<3 It gets better I promise.
I guess the unknown one can now have a name? R.I.P. Ryan Arai (1994 - 2011). I love you and I miss you!