Really people?

Rest In Eternal Peace
Ryan Arai (1994-2011)

2 years ago, on April 29, 2011, my boyfriend Ryan overdosed - taking his own life. Even though years have passed, not a day goes by that I do not remember him and the memories we shared. I will never forget the little things - his smile, his accent, his laugh, his eyes, his dreams… he was truly a wonderful human being and I know if he were here today, he would be working to change the world. His heart knew no bounds and neither did his dreams.

I miss you so much Ryan, I can only hope one day, I can make you proud and live out a few of the dreams we had together. I am sorry I couldn’t be there that night.
I love you ♥

私はあなたを愛し、私はあなたにライアンを欠場。

A friend of mine just attempted suicide and I likely won’t know if he is okay until the morning, if any of you ever feel the need to take your life, find help! There are people in this world who care about you and want to help you! Make that call or send that message, it is not a bother. I know what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide and I will do anything I can to help prevent others from going through that. If I can help, my inbox is always open!

There is hope and it does get better!

Tomorrow — 01 March 2013 — is Self Injury Awareness Day (SIAD) which is a day where people across the world wear orange or black to show support for those who struggle with self harm and thoughts of suicide.

If you ever feel the need to harm yourself, please seek help. It is not worth the pain it causes in the future. I am not an expert, but my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to or a friend to tell you that you’re beautiful. You are not alone and it does get better!

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

♥ Much love my friends ♥

All of you remember this!

I know there is someone out there right now, crying, thinking about giving up on your dreams because they are out of reach and nobody believes in you, well let me stop you right there and correct you on something… I believe in you, I believe in each and every one of you. I believe that with hard work, dedication and a few people to lean on, you can accomplish anything. You can overcome the misfortunes, faults and oppression to make every last dream you have come true. Of course, it won’t be easy, there will be failures and mistakes, people will put you down and try to crush your goals, but that is when you try again, and again, and again. The only limits you have are the ones you place upon yourself, so dry your tears, be brave and put your heart into it. Never give up. Why? Because I believe in you.

“Put your hands in the air
If you hear me out there,
I’ve been looking for you day and night.
Shine a light in the dark,
Let me see where you are,
‘Cause I’m not gonna leave you behind.
If I told you that you’re not alone
And I show you this is where you belong,
Put your hands in the air one more time!”

“So, before you echo “amen” in your home and place of worship. Think. Think and remember a child is listening.”

- Mary Griffith

In Loving Memory Of Bobby Griffith (1963-1983)

When I say I am a proud member of the LGBT community, I mean I am PROUD of all of my people INCLUDING Transgender people. No, I am not Transgender and no, I do not know much about this group, but I see some of the struggles they face, sadly, they face even more hardships than the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual parts of the LGBT family so let us not forget these people and deepen the struggles we all face. 31% of Transgender people commit suicide; that is a shocking and heart-wrenching statistic that MUST change. Let us join hands with our family and unite as one force, we are the LGBT community!

Ryan Arai (28 September 1994 - 29 April 2011)

Well my friends, I will not be on Friday or Saturday. Tomorrow would have been Ryan’s 18th birthday and Saturday is 17-months since his death so I am going to take some time to reflect. I appreciate all of the support and love and I will be back soon.

R.I.P. Ryan baby, Happy Birthday! I love you and miss you so much!

Spread this now! Let’s make a difference!

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

This must end! We have lost too many good young men and women simply because they were bullied for being Homosexual, Transgender or other reasons. No one deserves this hell and I refuse to stand idle while others are bullied, self harmed or

I promise you you’ll never walk alone…

Dear Ryan,

It has been 15 months since you left this Earth and 15 months since my life changed forever. Not a day goes by that your face does not cross my mind, your laugh replay in my head or your name cross my lips. I cannot even begin to tell you how I feel everyday, longing to hear “I love you” in that sweet accent one more time. Some nights I dream of you, simple things like you and I on a trip to New York, you and I in the back of a truck watching fireworks, you and I living out the plans we made. I still remember all of those plans, the house outside New York City, the flag poles, the white fence, the big dogs, the black SUV, the kids… we had a lot of plans my love.

I still feel guilty for what happened, I know I should have been there to stop you but I can only hope you forgive me.

Today I received an amazing gift, Tiger sent me a necklace in memory of you. I promise to wear it every day and to always hold you near my heart. I will never forget you my love and as the necklace says, “Stay Strong” so for you and for him, I will try and stay strong. I hope one day I make you proud.

I just hope you are finally at peace and understand that I love and miss you immensely.

♥ Until we meet again, goodbye and “Much love my friend.” ♥

- Toshi