Like I said, a “tad bit” different… I am making a lot of changes in my life and a new hairstyle will remind me every time I look at myself, I have to start with the man in the mirror.
This is my best friend Geo and myself on Day of silence. She is the Kathy Griffin to my Anderson Cooper… meaning I am the calm, professional guy and she is a wild young lady who punches me and tries to steal my underwear… Yep Sounds like Kathy and Anderson to me lol
Man it was hard but you know what? We did it. We had a small crowd and we got a lot of looks, laughs, jokes and sneers, but we stood our ground. Happy Day of Silence my friends. <3 I dedicate today to Ryan <3
“One day, there will be no such thing as “Gay Love”, it will just be accepted as “Love”, nothing more, nothing less.” - Richard K. Brannon III
A note from the past…
“It is always interesting to look at the past, to look back at the people, places, memories and events that make you the person you are at this very moment in time. You peer into the tragedies and triumphs, wins and loses, the good days and the bad ones. You see your home, your town, your school. You see your friends, family, idols, enemies and peers. Everything, everyone, comes rushing back to you as the final chapters of your life flash before your eyes. Each one of those things have contributed to the person you have become. Positive or negative, they are the reason you stand like you do, walk like you do, think like you do. Most of all, they are the reason you feel like you do.
As I glanced back, I looked at my tears, the fears, the pain and the sorrow. I had come to the realization that everyone was right, I was nothing, a nobody. I had become just a face in the crowd, a silhouette in the mirror, a shadow on the ground. I wore a mask so no one noticed how messed up I truly was. I acted like the jabs, whispers, jokes and bullying did not affect me, but in reality, each one was like an arrow, piercing my chest, a blade, slicing through my veins, a rope, tightening around my neck. It is weird though, people did not even try to find the real me. They never looked deeper, past the “Yeah, I am just tired” or the “Oh, that cut? It is from my cat.” They did not peel away the mask because it would have inconvenienced their lives. Indifference is much easier than truly caring about a person. Why would they care about me though? Why try to dig down and find the real me?
Maybe if the group of girls who sat in class saying I will burn in hell had looked past the fact that I was gay, they would have seen how dark my past was. Maybe the boys who called me “faggot” would have seen I was no different than them if they had really gotten to know me. If they could have just looked past my sexuality, they could have seen how badly I hurt, how badly they hurt me. If they could have just been human for one moment, they could have saved a life. But they didn’t did they? They never asked, they never cared, they continued the bullying and went on with their merry lives as I shattered like a light bulb on a floor.
Tomorrow, they will not see me at school, they will all gasp as the news spreads. Some of them will act innocent and blindly ask why. What could have driven him to a tree? How much pain pushed him into this? How many tears wove the noose he wore?
The few people who actually gave a damn about me, the few I could honestly call friends, will break down, holding each other, sobbing into each others shoulders. That was the worst part of this, the hardest part. I could not stand the thought of my friends hurting. It pained me to think of them, the only ones who ever cared, the only ones who ever peered past my mask to see the tortured soul inside. To them, I was Richard, a boy with a past and a future. I was a kid with dreams, a smile, a heart… a story. They did not see some gay loser whose eyes traced the floor as people demeaned him. They did not see a lost cause, picking up his notebook off the floor after it was ripped from his arms and tossed. No, they saw me. Those people were the only reason I survived this long, for that, I thank them.
To those friends and family, I am sorry. Please do not cry. My pain is over. I will be gone from this hell when you awake, only a memory in the wind, a candle, smoldering in the dark. My last hope, my final wish, is that you find other Richards. You find the boys and girls like me and stop them before they sign their note. You must help them, save them from falling, lift them up, embrace them. I am terribly sorry but please, I beg of you, forgive me. I was never alive, I merely existed.
Much love my friends,
Richard Kenneth Brannon III”
